Flower-Power Agile Fluffiness

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To all the dear people in the agile community and to the faint-hearted: this will not be an easy blog post. There was a time when being a software developer was a decent craft, requiring decent craftsmanship and yes also a lot of creativity, some communication, some collaboration. Still it was a decent craft. The […]

To all the dear people in the agile community and to the faint-hearted: this will not be an easy blog post. There was a time when being a software developer was a decent craft, requiring decent craftsmanship and yes also a lot of creativity, some communication, some collaboration. Still it was a decent craft. The waterfall-ish methodologies we used weren’t extremely optimal, but at least software development was a craft. Similar to a carpenter who uses his tools to craft new furniture, or a industrial designer using his tools to come up with a new model Toyota – I know this is not the best example, but at least I now have the attention of the kind folks in the lean community. And then came agile.

Now believe me, I don’t have anything against agile. I’ve been promoting agile and iterative approaches to software development since the mid-nineties, and haven’t done traditional projects ever since. Agile used to be about engineering. We were improving ourselves by using better techniques, continuous integration or continuous deployment, writing unit test, pair programming, writing smart use cases or user stories, using a bug tracker, burn-down charts and even post-its on the wall. So far, it’s still all in a days work. There was a time that as an analyst, a developer, or a tester you could be proud of being in an agile project.

But these days if I look at what’s going on at agile conferences, on twitter, in blog posts, literature and discussions on agile, Scrum, Lean, Kanban and whatever new flavors of the month are passing by, I get the feeling I’m no longer talking about craftsmanship but rather ending up in Disneyland or in San Francisco in the late sixties. I’ve got a feeling were not in Kansas anymore.

Agile coach at work.

Agile community anti-patterns

Certainly it’s a good thing everybody can join the agile community. But I witness a lot of repetitive behavior I strongly discourage. Let’s name this repetitive behavior agile community anti-patterns – not to confuse with agile anti-patterns. The latter merely describe failures in agile projects, and yes these do occur, while the former describe community failures. Let me sum some up for you – while on the fly breaking my first anti-pattern:

  • Metaphorizing
  • Zenify
  • Kindergarten Agile
  • Open Door Wisdom
  • Scrumdamentalism


          Allow me to elaborate a bit on these agile community anti-patterns.


          Although I’m not sure metaphorizing is a even good English word, I’m quite sure you get the meaning of it. Everything anybody comes up with these days about agile – or about what people think is agile – is immediately turned into a metaphor or is given a silly name.

          Can we please stop talking about the Gemba Walk when we mean that it’s a good thing our manager stops by every now and then? This shouldn’t even have a name.

          Japanese manager stopping by.

          What does it mean when an agile specialist states that “you should verify the five why’s with the reverse loop”? And what about Feature Injection? According to a recent tweet “feature Injection is more about using examples to discover the relationships you need and missed or got wrong.” Call me old-fashioned but I totally miss what this is about.


          Yes, I know lean manufacturing started in Japan at Toyota. So there is a link between agile and Japan. But is that an argument to zenify software development?

          Our new Feng Shui office space.

          Why do we need to explain roles in a software development project as samurai, sensei or roshi. I thought product owner and agile coach were already abstract enough. What about re-arranging our office in a Feng Shui manner? Also the word kaizen seems to become very popular. Quoting a recent tweet: “Just write down small things on small papers. It’s your kaizen.” Although I’m all for small things what does this mean and why do I need to introduce this in my project?

          Kindergarten Agile

          Not sure about the average level of maturity of people in agile projects around the world, but in the projects I’ve been in the last decade or so, people where pretty mature. So why is it groups of sensible people at unconferences are discussing the Happiness Index of projects? To me this sounds much more like a weekly column in a women’s magazine than a solid engineering practice in a software development project.

          And I for one certainly don’t want to have to pass a baton if the flow in my stand-up meeting or scrum isn’t achieved automagically. Still this was seriously recommended by one of the authorities in the agile community during a recent presentation at a conference.

          Some tweets to further illustrate my point? If someone says “Add Ready for Celebration before the Done column on your wall board” should I start decorating the office? It makes you wonder how often his projects get things done. Even worse is “Make sure you don’t miss the agile elephant versus the waterfall elephant in the lobby.” which was tweeted from a recent agile conference. Where was this conference held? At the Toys-R-Us?

          Participants at a recent agile conference strolling down the exhibition hall.

          Open Door Wisdom

          Often I see quotes coming from the agile community that are no more than open doors, and have been open doors in projects for decades and perhaps centuries, but that are treated by others in the community as sources of new and ultimate wisdom.

          Recently a speaker at an agile conference claimed that “if your retrospectives don’t add value to your project, you should change your retrospectives.” Duh. The speaker got a loud applause from the audience, he is now considered an absolute guru, and his quote got tweeted and re-tweeted all over the world. This is not even an open door, it’s an open gate.


          Now I’ve blogged about Scrumdamentalism before, but with the newer generations of agile converts, some communities are getting more and more populated by religious zealots who will treat their newly gained faith with deep fundamentalism. Any best practice from their own belief is treated as mandatory, while followers from other beliefs are often considered heretics. A recent blog post states that: “A technical project manager can be a good product owner if he sticks to managing the product backlog and abiding by the rules of Scrum.” I wasn’t aware that Scrum even had rules. You learn something new everyday.

          And if Scrumdamentalism alone isn’t bad enough already, it is even enforced by the so-called leaders themselves, proven by the following horrible quote “the team needs to listen to god talk and follow the commandments” from one of the Great Leaders in this particular community. Dear agilists there is is no one-true-belief. There’s value in all of them. And also can we please abolish the function title Agile (or Scrum or Kanban or Lean) Evangelist. Moreover, people calling themselves Agile Sensei should be banned from conferences and projects if you ask me.

          Flower-Power Agile Fluffiness

          Please people can we stop adding all this new age Flower-Power fluffiness to agile. In my opinion the agile community with all it’s great ideals and best practices is slowly degrading into a worldwide Luna park. My guess is I that it won’t be long before someone somewhere will suggest to add a psychotherapist to every software development project. “How do you feel about not being able to get your user story to the Ready for Celebration column?” Or plan a clown’s visit during retrospectives to increase the Happiness Index.

          Agile retrospective with product owners present.

          We are slowly becoming the laughing stock of the engineering world. I long for the time that we re-introduce engineering in our trade, and all go back to work again.

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